Spring in full swing!
Went to lunch with collegues A. and R.
A is my work buddy and R. our manager. I like these guys. We have fun conversations. Not just about work, as a matter of fact, most of the time it’s about everything but work.
Lunch was great, vegetarian “chicken” with onion, mushroom, nuts relish on whole grain bread. The place we had it at was great. A. and I love to go there for coffee and toast with home made jam. Favourite taste, orange, carrot and cardamon. You can see them make the jam while you enjoy it.
Sunny day, sun in my face while eating and talking.
It was just what I needed, break from work. Recharging my batteries.
Why did I click on that link and read that story?
It’s pure fiction, make believe. Beautiful written. Not my story. I let go of my story years ago, I closed that book and moved on.
But why was reading it made my heart ache, yes ache, and I got cold, goose bumbs all over my body. I still am cold.
My mind didn’t make the connection, my mind had moved in. But my heart did, my heart knew this tale. My heart let my body feel the story. I still feel it. That is a strange experience.
Writing about it doesn’t make it better. Writing about is, is me looking at my mind, heart and body. Just jolting it down what is going on. No understanding, no judgement, just recording.
Stoped writing. Felt restless, thirsty, stil so cold. Put the kettle on, some hot tea will help….I hope. Watered a plant, looked outside, into the night. No thoughts, just all these bodily sensations. Put some music on, to keep my resteless brain occupied. Alison Krauss singing “How do I lie awake now. When I know I’ve got to be moving on? How do I lie awake now. When nothing’s right and nothing’s wrong?” AHHHHHH. That is how my body is feeling. My body is awake, flooded with knowing & feelings and the funny thing it is telling my brain to know & feel too. Get my body, heart and mind in tune. But my brain is slow, maybe it just don’t want to feel. But heart is in contole and my body is not giving up. So I feel this pressure building up inside my head, tired, little head ache.
I do this course, and the last time we talked about our brain-brain, heart-brain and gut/stomage-brain. And this is my heart brain. No gut feeling, no rational or unrational thoughts masked as feelings. This is my heart speaking. And my whole being is “listening” to it. There are no words, just understanding on a cellular level….
Home, work day is over….sigh….
Entering my sun filled home, quiet…
I just feel my body and mind relax. It’s a great sensation to be aware of.
I am not a born optimist. I taught that to myself. Like being more grateful for life. My gift to me. And what a gift it is. One of the side effects is that I am better capable of leaving work behind me. Appreciating work for what it is, work. It is not my life. It is part of my contribution to this society, this world, but it is not me. My life includes more and I am not defined by my job.
With that I leave you for today. I am going to enjoy today’s the last rays of sun, some beautiful music, food and drink and just be….
Yesterday and today were way to warm for the time of year. Between 10 -12 degrees Celsius, and sun all day. I soaked it all in.
But it also felt strange, out of place. Weird realization that the weather has that big of an influence on my well being.
Wonder what the weather will be tomorrow….
|—||Japanese proverb (via mercurieux)|
Is it Friday again?
Time does fly.
And is it me but the older you get the faster time goes.
Time sure is a strange phenomenon.
My body is 42, my mind is ageless (or so I like to think (or trick myself ;-). They don’t match, and the older I get the less they match. But if I look back, I don’t know when the optimum was….
Maybe when I was a baby???
As I said just some pondering……
Haven’t been here for a while. Been busy living. Did reflect, but just not here….
But maybe it’s time I come back here. Share some thought. Would like that. Thought of that makes me smile.
A DAY FULLY LIVED
Make each day your home. Greet it as you would greet an old friend, come for tea. It won’t last long, and that’s why it’s so precious, sacred even. See its astonishing colours, feel its wild feelings. Let its joys move you to tears, be floored by its sadnesses. Feel the vibrant life surging through every pore of this day of all days.
And at its end, lay your head on its pillow, sink into its vastness, tumble into its bottomlessness. Will another day come? And does it matter, when this day has been so full? Be willing to be blind to all your tomorrows.
A day, fully lived, will always be more than enough. Gratitude is the key, and the lock was never made.